How am I gonna go?

I just watched this movie entitled "Remember Me." It was about this kid whose brother died, and stuff happens in his life, blah blah blah, and he DIES. It's set in summer 2001. And dies in the twin towers crash waiting on his brother. So anyway, I'm sitting here with my friend, and I'm using her computer because mine stopped working. I haven't written a blog in forever and so I think I'm missing a lot of stuff that I should have written about this semester. I didn't document this semester very well. Maybe cuz it SUCKED. I made a lot of stupid choice. I chose pleasure, which turned into misery because I got nothing done so I would stress out a lot. I've really got to stop writing because my friend is literally sitting next to me, and I think I don't really want her to read this. But anyways, So I was watching this movie, and it made me start to think about my life. How do I want to be remembered? I want people to change their lifestyle because of me. For better. And I don't think anyone would at this point. I'm not that influential. But I am very selfish. And prideful. And far from God right now. I haven't sincerely talked to him since, well, I don't really know when. That's not technically a good thing. But yeah. I realized that I'm not guaranteed tomorrow. Which would SUCK SO BAD because I NEED TO GO HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!!! I NEED TO SEE MY FAMILY!!! If I die before I get to see my family, I'm really going to be pissed at God. Not even kidding.
So anyway, I better get off this. But yeah, life is miserable right now. I've never been miserable like this. ever. I'm lost. like that kid from the movie. I'm lost. And I don't know how to find way. I'm stuck. God, I can't choose right. I've tried. But I can't. So if I'm gonna be saved, you're gonna have to supernaturally come in and make me selfless cuz I can't do it. I really can't.