Living the Enoch Life

From the first time I heard about the Bible character named Enoch, I have been fascinated by him. There are approximately only 5-6 verses in the whole Bible where his names in mentioned. All that we know about Enoch are about that many details: 1) he was the son of a guy named Jared. 2) at age 65, He was the Father of Methuselah, who actually died in the year of the flood (Methuselah's name actually has two parts which mean death and sending). 3) "Enoch walked with God 300 more years and had other sons and daughters" - so altogether Enoch lived 365 years. 4) Enoch WALKED WITH GOD. 5) God took Enoch away and he was nowhere to be found. which means he didn't die. THAT'S ALL WE KNOW ABOUT ENOCH. He's also mentioned in the Hall of Faith - Hebrews 11, but it doesn't add any more information about Him. But it does make the point that it takes FAITH to walk with God like that. And to walk with God = please God. Enoch found favor with God and pleased Him because he, to borrow Jeremy Camp's expression, walked by faith. THAT IS THE LIFE I WANT TO LIVE. Today I spent a long time pondering Enoch's life, and I kept looking up at the ceiling of my friend's house where I'm staying and I said, God, how did he know to walk with you? Did someone teach him? Because of the hundreds of people that are mentioned between Adam and Noah, only 3 are mentioned to have found favor with you: Abel, Enoch, and Noach. THAT'S IT. So in a crooked and perverse and evil world where "man's heart is evil from youth," 3 people pleased You. HOW DID THEY KNOW TO DO IT? AND HOW DID THEY DO IT? With pressure from ALL sides to be like everyone else? And I felt God saying to me, "It doesn't matter HOW they did it. What matters is that they did it." It all began to make sense when I realized that Faith requires us deciding to believe. And deciding to live for Him. They decided that they were going to walk by faith and please the Lord. Why or How isn't important. The ACT OF DECISION made the difference, and God rewarded their faithfulness. I am so selfish. I am crooked and perverse and evil from youth. I desire my own happiness above anyone else's. But I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. I am a NEW CREATION. I have the best of both worlds: The ability to make the decision that Enoch and Noah made (OT), and the grace of God that comes from receiving the gift of salvation made possible by Christ's death on the cross (NT). And so I don't know how I'm going to walk by faith. I don't know how I'm going to battle my evil nature every day. But I know that I CAN DO ALL THINGS IN CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH. I live my new life by the strength of Christ because I am a CHILD of the KING. And he has given me LIFE ABUNDANTLY. So this me allowing the whole virtual internet world to keep me accountable. Because I am going to live the Enoch Life and walk by Faith all my days. I will FAIL. Noah failed (he got drunk). Abraham failed (he lied and let Pharoah take his wife, twice). The people God found favor with were still "evil from youth." But God found favor with them anyway, and He used them. And I have been given blessings beyond what I deserve. I live in America and I have my physical needs taken care of in abundance (shelter, food, clothing,). I have been given a wonderful education, and I can read, write, do arithmetic, and be creative. I have been given many talents and I have learned many skills. I have a WONDERFUL FAMILY and FRIENDS and support system. And the KICKER is this: I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF IT. But God has given it to me anyway, and I so every day I will choose to trust Him and obey Him and give back to Him. I don't have any income right now. But I will trust God to take care of me. I don't have any job prospects right now. But I will trust God to take care of me. I don't have a boyfriend or any guy interests on the horizon. But I will trust God to provide that in His time. (Definitely not in the near future; I need to concentrate on student teaching and just walking with God). God is working on my heart and bringing me back to Him. I have recently been living the Gomer life. Now, I want to live the Enoch life. I'm in the desert. God is speaking gently to me. And I am realizing that HE is the one who is taking care of me and giving me what I need. I want to stay in the desert and just let God do a work in me for a while. I have about 3 weeks before I start student teaching. These next 3 weeks are going to be amazing as I surrender every day to God's will. I can't wait to see what God does in my life! My life verses now consist of the following: Genesis 5:21-24 Isaiah 26:8 Hebrews 11:5-6 God, you are FREE to do whatever you want in my life. I surrender to You. I choose to walk with You and live by faith. In your Holy and Powerful name, I claim the NEW CREATION you made me to be. Amen.

GO AWAY

I'm so angry with one woman. I've never been this angry. Actually, maybe I have, I don't know. But anyways, she intruding and I want her gone. I know she cares about my friend, but she doesn't care about me. She is completely ingoring the importance and the commitment level of my relationship, and she is conspiring with my boyfriend's mom and they have a shared attitude that it's ok, maybe better for J, if I don't end up with him. That makes me angrier than I have ever been. God and Jordan and I have already decided that he and will get married unless god changes his mind. We already know, there is no reason to ignore that fact to try and puts scenarios in our lives to make us change our minds. I will not have it. I will not be pushed away. HE IS MINE and I AM GOING TO KEEP HIM. YOU CAN NOT STOP ME. I love him so much! He is what I need; he is the one I want to serve God with! Regardless of my flirtatious past and my past of struggles with attraction to him and things, those are IN THE PAST. JORDAN IS MY FUTURE. I am so angry. I can tell she has turned the cold shoulder. Should I try and salvage the relationship? Yes. She is someone my future mother in law trusts.
Ok time to work on my presentation. I have to do well.

Keeping Up with the Joneses

I don't really know who the Joneses are, but I know I'm struggling to keep up with the pace of life right now while I'm dealing with stress, anxiety, some tiredness, not eating correctly, a friend going through suicidal depression, schoolwork demanding so much of my life, a friend going through post-partum depression with her baby still in NICU, trying to keep my sister healthy and sane and away from jerks and evil influences, trying to keep my parents happy, trying to include God in everything, trying to be someone my club is proud of so I can lead our prayer time effectively, trying to lead a group who would rather goof off than do any work, trying to have relationships with distant people, and probably more. Chocolate can only do so much. I'm impressed that I'm staying away from TV to do all this, since I gave it up for lent, but I NEED a stress reliever. I need rest.
God, I am WEARY and I AM BURDENED, and I am coming to you, for the rest only you can give. Help me, because people can me till I fall apart, and I'm falling apart, and trying not to let the rest of the world know. My spirit is willing, by my flesh is weak, and my strength is wearing thin. The warrior is a child, God. Hold that child in your arms while she cries, because she can't hold the tears in anymore.
I love you Father, and I'm yours. Always. Hold me .

Wisdom

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when He asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Father God, I'm lacking wisdom right now. All I have right now are feelings and thoughts and dilemmas soaring through my head, and nothing will settle! I need your wisdom. I need to know the best decision. I know that we as humans fail and we don't make the best decisions, and I see that there are 2 different outcomes: one if I choose one decision, the other if I choose the other. But, thankfully, they both lead to the one man I have already decided to marry. It's almost as if we can't go wrong, because both lead to hardship but faithfulness to you. Father, please help. I want to do what's right. And I don't know if that is to go ahead and get married or to wait a year while I go overseas, reminding myself what I am called to do, while my man also grows up. It's just hard to know which is the best decision for us. Will I be missing out on a year of singleness and discovery that I really need? Or is it better to get married and avoid the temptations, because me going overseas would be selfish? I don't know if I need to go overseas alone. I don't even know if that really matters. But do I need another year of serving you single? Or do we need to start learning how to be married? Can we wait that long? Help me know the better decision! PLEASE GOD!
I guess I don't have to decide today. I'm waiting patiently for you, God; for your answer. I love you, Father!

plagued at midnight

My thoughts plague me at a late hour tonight. But the truth is, they have been tormenting me for hours now. Maybe even days.
Thoughts are not allowed to run rampant in our minds. Right? Wrong. They are. And that is how we are mentally destroying ourselves and others.
Our thoughts are slaves to our flesh, bound by the Devil who will not free us. We are rescued by our Heavenly Father, but even then, the Devil tries to re-captivate us through our thoughts. He has done it to me many times.
For years I thought I was a worthless human being who could not be used by God because of her own inadequacies and failures. The failures grew and grew and grew, and to this day I still struggle with believing that I CAN change myself and I CAN make a difference in the world. It's a struggle every day to wake up in the morning because, who would miss me if I didn't?
But the Bible says we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. It doesn't just say, we take captive the good thoughts and make sure they fit with Christ. It doesn't say, we take captive every thought from 5am to 5pm. It says EVERY thought. Even the ones in the middle of the night that pull you awake, screaming or crying, or just plan silent, staring in fear and worry at the ceiling. It include those lustful thoughts about that someone that force their way into our minds at any random point of the day or night. It includes those depressing, I am worthless thoughts that hit you when you least expect it. All of those are to be taken captive and thrust into the fire. The FIRE, NOT the GARBAGE. They have to burn, change form, and never come back.
Why? Because God is in control. That's it. No other explanation. Our Sovereign Father has us in His arms, and he's NOT letting go. So why should we let our negative, depressing, lustful, harmful thoughts try to pull us out of his arms? The only power they have is what we give them. Otherwise, they are dead, worthless, pieces of ash. Ever noticed how similar the words TRASH and ASH are? I don't think that's a coincidence. But that's where those kinds of thoughts belong. The ones that should fill our minds should be centered around Christ, around faith, and hope, and around love. And on others, not ourselves. Because God's got us. Our job is to love God, love people. And we can't do that if don't take control of our minds. Our minds belong to Jesus. Not the Devil or ourselves. Now prove it. Take those thought captive. Don't give the Devil a foothold. Christ is the ONLY one with the power in our lives. Take hold of that truth, receive it, grasp it, and live it out.

Attitude of Thankfulness

At this moment, I have an attitude of thankfulness.

I'm thankful to my Savior for rescuing me from a life of sin and shame. (REALLY thankful, because I experienced it first hand, and I saw where it lead: to destruction.)
I'm thankful to my friend and first love, Jesus, for desiring an intimate relationship with me, and drawing me to himself.
I'm thankful to my Father, God, for making all things possible, and for paving my path and directing me along it.
I'm thankful to my Creator for giving me good gifts and many blessings, more than I can count.

I'm thankful to my parents for raising me to be a woman after God's own heart. I'm thankful for their advice, wisdom, and love.
I'm thankful for my sister and brother for their loyalty.
I'm thankful to my friends for their loyalty, and friendship, and care, and fun times.
I'm thankful to Jordan, my close friend, for all that has come, and all that lies ahead. May God direct our relationship. May God give us wisdom for every step. May God show his power and his might and his plan in this process. May God bless the future, and the present. May we continue to follow his perfect plan.

I'm so thankful, and joyful, and peaceful! God knows what He's doing! :)

Hey God, It's Always Better When We're Together

so yeah. It's truly always better when I'm with God. When I am working on comforming to His purpose for my life. My joy and peace are truly back. I don't have the freedom to go out and do what my flesh wants, but those things rob me of life and innocence. right now, i need sleep. i need restoration because im exhausted. like so exhausted! i need to start working on making my body have more energy each day, like exersizing! and i need to work on self control in other areas, lol.
God loves me. :)
God has a purpose for my life, and for the lives of each girl in my social club and the other social clubs. :)
I have to trust him that He knows who I'll end up with, and that they are someone God is proud of, or will be proud of when we end up together. But until then, and even afterward, I need to be seeking Him completely. Trent probably isn't the person. I have to stop looking!
God, hold me. tight. reassure me that you're never letting me go.