Proverbs

Last night, I had a humbling talk with my mom. We talked a lot about character qualities I have that hinder me from being the best daughter of God I can be, and also from growing up into adulthood. A big one was pride. Mom advised to take care of this now before I fall in front of that church I'll be an intern at this summer. Another big one is laziness. I lack self discipline in the area of cleaning my room. And I'm not observant or aware of things I need to be aware of, like my headlight going out. I've been realizing that I really am small, immature, and if I'm not living to please God, I'm very insignificant. I want my life to entirely be a spontaneous response to his love for me. I want to literally worship him in everything, to there it's not legalistic, but it comes from the heart. I want my decisions to be in line with His will. Why am I so self-centered? My life is not my own. He bought me. I should be responding in love with all of my actions. People who do this: my mom and dad, Leslie, Bailey, are the main ones I can think of.
Father, I realize that I am small. I realize that I am insignificant, and you can do my job just as well or better using someone else. I don't understand your love. But the bottom line is: I have it. You love me. You showed it when your Son died for me. And I forget that so often. I have these urges to be someone who doesn't worship you. Someone whose actions comes directly from myself and my selfish heart: partying, wearing sexy clothes, cussing, being stupid. A wise person is diligent, careful with their tongue, kind, prudent, listens to wise advice, hard-working, peace-loving, and joyful. I want to adapt these qualities as an act of sacrificial love to you. I sacrifice my own desires because I love you. Why has that not clicked before? You are my first love. Help me respond in sacrificial love and worship to you. Amen.