Fuzz

My thoughts are all in a jumble, a fuzz. I'm sitting here not doing much when I really need to be concentrating on my job. What in the world am I going to teach these kids? What games are we going to play? How are we going to advertize this? But there's really not much I can do because I still don't know the curriculum. And on top of my that, my mom got me freaked out the other day telling me I shouldn't be in here alone with the pastor during the day. Well that can't be helped, that's what baptist churches do, so I'm just trying not to worry about it; however; my overactive imagination is going crazy right now, and my emotions and stress levels are through the roof.
And I think I may be possibly starting to develop feelings for a guy I'll never meet. He doesn't have any idea. He knows I can't date him. But these feelings are there. Or maybe it's just the desire to be single and the fact that he's one I'm thinking of. I'm really praying for him. And I think he has feelings for some one else. Why is it that the ones I'm attracted to are either not the pursuing kind, or interested in someone else? I have a type. And this guy doesn't fit the type. But I like him. My type is skinny, blonde, blue eyes, Christian, shy. He has NONE of these qualities. Why do I like him? I may even love him, in a different way than I say I mean. He's funny and he'll always be there for me. I wish I could really meet him. Maybe some day...
My heart longs to be filled. And it's normally filled with the love of God, but today he feels distant. I didn't have my morning quiet time, and I woke up on the wrong side of bed, so that might be it. So I'm trying to fill my heart with emotions that don't line up with what I believe. I know that I'm single right now for a purpose: to grow closer to God and develop my relationship with him with no distractions. A boyfriend would be too distracting from my work at this point. He just would. But that doesnt negate my longing for one.
Jesus, I want a boyfriend. But I'm gonna trust that you'll provide the right one for me in the right time. Your timing is perfect. And your plan is perfect. this one guy is not in your plan, that I know for sure. Help me trust you. Get me back on track. Bring me back to you.