God's Forgiveness

God forgives us. *silence* Ok, let me try that again. GOD FORGIVES US! *tears or joy and cheers hooray* ok that's much better.

No matter how many times I mess up, or how bad I think I mess up, God forgives. He forgives me! He already forgave me! He put in this place, at this job, knowing everything that was going to transpire. He knew when I was 14 when I made the no kissing commitment believing that it would stop me from committing any other sexual sin that I was going to mess up right here, right now. He knew it. And He still chooses to love me and forgive me and use me and clean me up and help me start over. God puts his treasure in earthen vessels, in jars of clay. Not perfect, beautiful, look-at-this amazing jar. He wants us to look more at the treasure than the jar. And the jar should feel honored that the treasure is in them.

It's like the tale of the three trees. One tree wanted to be fit for a king. Another tree wanted to become a ship fit to sail the seas for a King or a mighty sailor. And the third tree wanted to point to God on the mountain His whole life. Well, all the trees were cut down. The first was made into a manger for hay and for cows to feed from. It said to itself what is this? I wanted to be fit for a king! And then one day, a baby was placed inside it. And this baby was no ordinary Baby. It was Jesus! So the manger held a king! But no one paid attention to the manger, they paid attention to the Baby, and that was quite all right with the manger :). The second tree was made into a small sail boat. It was like what is this? I'm not fit to travel the high seas in this! But then one day a miracle happened. during a huge thunderstorm, one the passengers on the boat commanded the seas to calm down, and they listened. So in the little boat was a man whom even the wind and seas obeyed. And no one paid attention to the boat, merely the man in the boat. And that was perfectly fine with the boat. The third tree didn't want to be cut down. He wanted to stand there and point to God all his life. But one day, he was made into a cross, and was carried up a mountain. The put a man on it, and sign up above the man that said King of the Jews. God was on that cross. And the cross knew. He was pointing to God. no one cared about the cross, only the man on the cross, who rose from the dead 3 days later. And that was perfectly fine with the cross. (I'm paraphrasing the story a lot, and it comes from a kids book.)

My point is, the cross and boat and manger weren't glorified. But they each had a purpose. And they were used for God's glory. They weren't perfect tools. I'm not perfect. I make so many mistakes I can't even look at myself sometimes. But God still chose to use me and He's going to continue to use me. No matter how bad I am, I promised God I would keep coming back to Him. And I do. I keep coming back. God loves me. He sent His son to die for me even though I don't think I was worth it sometimes. Thank heaven God is not a fair God! I deserve hell. I really do. But God in his mercy brought from the dead back to life. I was dead in my transgression, and He gave me life. May the Name of the Lord be praised forever! He changes lives; all creation bows down to Him!

God used my sin for good. I now have experienced firsthand God's unconditional forgiveness. I am having a hard time forgiving myself. The sin I committed feels unbearable. And there are worse sins I could have committed. But God in His divine mercy forgave me. And now, healing begins. And my testimony has just grown stronger.
Right after I told myself I would be sold out for Jesus, I messed up royally. So it proved that I cant' do this on my own. And I can't be sold out without surrendering all of me. And I couldn't surrender without first being broken. So now I'm broken. Completely. And I'm placing the broken pieces of my life in God's hands. And there they'll stay even after He fixes them :)