Temporary Mess

I was listening to the song called Times, by Tenth Avenue North this afternoon, and I just started bawling my eyes out. Because I realized how lost and confused and hurt and ugly and messy I was. I was in the living room, where my Grannie and Mr. Ron could walk by me at any point, and I still just lost it. So I went upstairs and closed the door and bawled my eyes out for about 30 minutes, while I picked songs I was in the mood to listen to. Mostly it was just that song Times over and over again. But I also listened to Ocean Floor by Audio Adrenaline to try and help me feel better. And then, I realized I just needed to write. So I wrote. And I wrote some more. And I thought, and wrote some more. And what came out was this: a song called Temporary Mess, written by Me, today, July 25, 2010:

Verse 1
When I look in the mirror I see a mess
I’m convinced that others see even less
The good I do is cancelled out
By my sinful nature that seems to shout
She’s no good, and she never will be
So just let her be, go on and leave
You can’t hear my heart cry “don’t go”
Someday the angel inside me will show
Chorus
//Yes I’m a mess. For now an ugly mess
But I can’t stop believing
In the beautiful ending//
Verse 2
When He takes me home, all will be cured
The evil left behind and my heart pured
So wait, just wait. Hold on to the hope
As long as I continue to cope
That I will turn out just fine
He’s holding me, just give me time
I can’t give up, I have to believe
Someday holiness I’ll achieve
Bridge
The mess is only temporary
God is changing me (4x)

I have decided I love this song. And the music I put to it goes really well with it. It's a little more fast paced than I usually write, and I think it was inspired a little by BarlowGirl. Althought I can't make it sound like it was written because I think I need an electric guitar and some drums. And I don't play either instrument.
So that's how I'm feeling. God loves me and forgives me no matter what. I'm still gonna hold out for that beautiful ending, no matter how ugly the mess looks at the moment. Father, thank you for the hope you've given me. Romans 5:1-2. And I think I just found my verses to memorize this week! Yay :)