Struggles and Stress < Hope!

This morning, I learned that I'm going to struggle EVERY morning with forgiving myself. I'm going to struggle ALL throughout EVERY day with denying myself the satisfaction of comfort. That doesn't mean I don't take care of myself, but I have to trust God to provide sleep when I know that what I need to do is spend time with Him and clean the bathroom instead of take a nap. I got a lot of sleep last night, but it was dream-filled. I don't even remember what I dreamed, but I've been dreaming this WHOLE summer. Mr Ron told me it might be because of stress. And I've been getting canker sores a lot of this summer; about 3 of them so far, which isn't normal. So I guess I am under stress.
And I don't like it. I don't like how I'm feeling inside. I hate this battle every day of deciding how I'm going to feel and how I'm going to approach every minute of every day. It's tiring. Satan and God are really fighting over me right now, I know it. Some conservative people would say I'm crazy, but I believe we underestimate the war between the 2 spiritual forces.
I wonder if angels still fall into temptation? They're not always in heaven, God uses them here on earth sometimes. I wonder if Satan and demons trick them into betraying God. Well, I just asked my pastor and he has no idea because the Bible doesn't really speak on that issue at all. But anyways, back to the Spiritual war. My pastor just said this war has a purpose, it's not like they're fighting without reason. They're fighting over us. So it's very logical to believe that they're fighting over me every minutes of every day. I probably do have both a guardian angel and a demon who's trying to trick me.
It's like Screwtape letters. Satan can't be everywhere at once. But he has legions and legions of demons. And God CAN be everywhere at once. And he has placed the Holy Spirit in us, and he probably has placed an angel in charge of keeping me safe until its time. I believe that. So if you look at it that way, God is keeping me 3x times more safe than Satan is trying to get me to fall.
And I'm just speculating here. But the Bible clearly says "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." (John 10:27-29). And that verse gives me complete hope. Because no matter how hard Satan tries, he CAN'T separate me from the love and provision and hand of God. And he's not trying that hard.
What he IS trying to do is make me ineffective in God's kingdom. He's trying to get me to, if possible, turn others away from entering into God's kingdom. And to be honest, He's probably succeeded. And that's where I come in. I choose to be effective. I choose to be sold out for Christ. I choose to enter into this daily struggle and say "no matter what it takes, I'll follow God." Because I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. Well, okay, I'll fall. I'll turn around. But I have faith in God to bring me back to Him every time. I promised Him that I would ALWAYS come back to Him. Because I'm His child.
And that promise is possibly gonna take a lot of work on His part. He's gonna have to come looking for me. I'm a stupid sheep who strays at almost anything. And then I'm going to lay down and not move till He comes looking for me. And He will. He always will. I will listen to His voice and I will know that it's Him. And I'll re-surrender, just like my song says.
This blog post started out discouraging and depressing. Because everyday, and multiple times daily, I will struggle will many different sorts of temptations. And I'm under stress and I don't like it. But I started listening to Hill-song right before starting this blog, and I feel encouraged. Because God saved me. I'm gonna be alright. And God's mercies are new every morning. A thousand times I fail, but His mercy remains. So does His forgiveness. So if you're reading this right now, Be encouraged! God won't let you out of His hand. He'll always bring you back :).