So much has happened since I last blogged! I went up to see Beauty and the Beast this past weekend, a 3 hr drive away. I had lunch right before the trip with Mrs Kathy, and she encouraged me to pray for the willingness to do the right thing as far as seeing or not seeing my ex. She told me her story about how she got together with her husband, and told me some of her philosophies. It's a funny story about how she and her husband met: she was heading up a picnic, and there were no diet cokes, and she was complaining. Randy said, do you want me to run to Sam's and get you a Diet Coke? She replied, if you do that, I will love you for the rest of my life. And long story short, that's what happened! Hehe!
So Veronica and I are on our way when she realizes there's no free-on in her air condition. She calls her Dad and we stop but to no avail, nothing can be done. We are about to get on the interstate anyway when the engine smokes and stalls. Some nice guys help us push it to the nearest gas station, as help us cool down her engine. Apparently what had happened was when her Dad got the oil changed, the guys who checked the other fluids hadn't tightened the cap on the water container and it had all spilled out causing the engine to overheat. Be glad you weren't there, we were kind of freaking out.
So her parents finally showed up with the van, and we left at 4. We were supposed to get there are 5:30, and we barely got there before 7, the time the show was supposed to start. What a beginning to our road trip!
Beauty and the Beats was amazing. The set was so well put together, the actors and actresses did a wonderful job; I was caught up in the whole story, as usual. So Veronica and Kim and I went to Kim's apartment where we hung out till I crashed on the couch. I was EXHAUSTED.
I woke up the next day to Ron and Kim getting ready. I called Thomas, my ex, to see when we were going to meet. At first he had wanted to meet a 8 or so because he had already called a friend earlier to cover for him at work so he could watch Beauty and the Beast. Well he wasn't going to watch it, and I was NOT going to see him at night. I have a hard enough time keeping my emotions in check in the day time. So we met at the mall at 2, after me having had lunch at this Brazilian steakhouse and having been to 2 outdoor stores with Ron and Kim. When I got to the mall, we started walking to the bathroom. I got a text that said I'm here. And I looked up, and there he was, about 30 feet from me.
He didn't see me wave, which was great because I still had to pee and I was inwardly freaking out because I WASN'T READY! So we bypassed him and went quickly to the bathroom, and my friends were like, are you ok? No, not really, I'm freaking out! I'm about to see my x, and I haven't seen him since 3 days before we took that break in November...!!! So they go their separate ways because they didn't really want to meet him, and I call him and tell him I'm there. We meet and he doesn't recognize me till I'm like 5 feet in front of him; I'd already spotted him, and he was confused at why this girl (me) was walking towards him. Ugh, men!
So we talked while he ate lunch, mind you he got Chinese food, the same place we ate when I had first gone up to see him April of last year. And he got me a fortune cookie, something about friends bringing new blessings into your life... Almost all the way through his meal he says, "Oh by the way I brought your bear back." My what? Yes. My teddy bear. Thing I loved and cherished for 3 years before I let him take it with him after he had visited me in September. When I came up to see him in October and November I had let him keep it, not knowing he would break up with me. So when he told me this I said, "Oh cool." Inwardly My heart was saying "NO!!!! WHY WHY WHY???!!!"
So we finished visiting, it was obvious there was no spark of anything between us anymore. I still cared for him and he stills cared for me, but not romantically. He never hugged me; barely touched me. We walked around the mall, and saw my friend briefly on the way out to his car to get my bear. He gave me the bear, shook my hand with some weird handshake, and got in his car.
I didn't even wait for him to get in; I walked back towards the mall, putting my bear inside my purse, and trying not to cry. My heart was breaking the rest of the way. It was a small piece, but it had been barely hanging out ,and now it was completely torn off. And I was hurting. I hurt for a few hours. I met up with my friends and they asked how it went. I said it went well. They asked if I was ok. I said NO. I would be better had he not given me my bear back. I walked around hurting after that. Didn't say much for the rest of the afternoon. But then we made spaghetti carbonara, and that helped to distract me. The pain was subsiding. Once we turned on No Reservations, I was ok. I realized it. I was truly going to be fine. It was time to move on. Thing relationship with Thomas was over, and any hope of something in the future was gone. And I would be ok. Someday in the far future, God will provide me with someone else.
I called my mom and she said, that worries me because what's going to stop you from enjoying the pursuits of or pursuing other guys? Well Mom, I said, School and my relationship with God are what I need to be concentrating on. I'm taking 19 hours, and I'm falling in love with Jesus. I'm possibly in over my head. No room for boys at this point. I'll be ok without them. She seemed satisfied. Now I'm back in the real world. My internship has just finished, and I have 2 weeks left in this town and then it's back to college! I have so many thoughts about life, marriage, relationship, and college going through my head, but this blog post is ready to be finished. :)
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