I just took a Spiritual Gift Inventory under the guidance of my pastor, and I came out high with Evangelism, Mercy, and Pastoring/Shepherding, with Exhortation, Prophecy, and Administration also high on the list. How ever, there were only 9 gifts on this particular inventory. I've been thinking about developing my own personal list of Spiritual Gifts, what I believe are on the list. First we need to define spiritual gifts. Most people agree on the definition, which confuses me that there can be one definition but different lists of what falls under that list. I lean toward more conservative views because of how I was raised, but I still agree with what I got as spiritual gifts. However, I would also include Discernment, Apostle, and Knowledge, which I could not choose from on the first inventory. When I was younger, I would not have said Discernment or Apostle, or in fact any of these, but I've learned that I really do have them. Using them is a different matter. I am really bad at using the gift of Evangelism. The importance I place on how much people like me can hinder that gift, as well as the gift of Prophecy. those involve being radical Christians, using the gifts to the best of our ability, ignoring the world's view of us. The Bible says the world will hate us because it hated Jesus, and a servant is not better than his master. I guess my point is that I'm discovering what my spiritual gifts are and how to use them. With my gifts of mercy, evangelism, and apostleship, I feel called to be a missionary; I've felt that since I was very young. I also believe I'm more willing to have this calling because of my background. But there is no doubt in my mind that that is my calling, especially because of my gifts and what I know is my passion which I value as higher than any others, and that is telling others about Jesus. I have the ability and the gift to cross cultural, language, and other boundaries to share the gospel with those who haven't heard. My heart also goes out to those who are in need: orphans, widows, others who are disabled or in poverty. So from this day forward, I commit myself to the study and use of my Spiritual gifts so I may edify the Body of Christ and serve God's Kingdom to the best of my ability.
that may not make sense to a lot of you, but that is my heart.
He is Enough
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
IMPROMPTU
Date. Yes. I had an "impromptu" date. Friday night.
I call it impromptu because it didn't start out that way.
I texted my friend oh Thursday night saying, hey our mutual friend is playing in battle of the bands tomorrow night. Wanna go? He called the next afternoon and said yeah he would love to go. When I said I didn't know how to get there and that my GPS was messing up, he said, well, I can just come pick you up. So he did, and we went to the concert area, but our friend's band wasn't going to play till 9. So we decided to go eat and maybe catch a movie. Well, he paid for my dinner, even though I was fully prepared to pay, and then we went to this beautiful bridge connected to a dam, and walked on that for a while. Then we went bowling. Well, during bowling, our friend called saying they were about to ply and we totally missed it! But we went back to the concert anyway, and voted for him, and his band got 3rd place and is moving on to the finals! So then he took me home, and helped me deal with my really bad headache the whole time. I invited him in and he said yes. My roommate and her boyfriend were there and so the four of us talked for a while, and then my "date" left; I walked him out to his car and gave him a hug and walked back inside. I told my roommie and her boyfriend about the whole night, and she asked her man, "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" "yes" "congratulations, sweetie, you had a date tonight. "SCORE!" I like this guy. a lot.
PROBLEM: I'm supposed to be on a BOY FAST right now! And I JUST wrote a few days ago about a crush on a guy I've never met. How am I supposed to handle this? EXACTLY> give it to God. He knows exactly what's in store for me this summer. He knows what I need, and he knows whether or not that includes this guy as either just a friend or a potential date. I don't know how this guy feels right now. He may just think I'm cool to hang out with. I mean, we've known each other for 2 years and it's never been more than friends and the occasional conversation, why is now any different? I HAVE to assume nothing has changed, and he's not interested. Otherwise, I'll get my panties all up in a wad for no reason.
My point here is this: GOD IS IN CONTROL. He knows what's going to happen this summer, including everything going on with the children's ministry at my church, whether or not our program will succeed, whether or not I'll make a successful demo of myself singing, whether or not I'll be dating, how much money I'll make, the financial problems that will occur, and etc. GOD KNOWS. And my job is to trust Him. I wrote a song yesterday about God being FAITHFUL. And you know what? THE PASTOR SPOKE ON THAT VERY TOPIC! Coincidence? I think NOT!
I call it impromptu because it didn't start out that way.
I texted my friend oh Thursday night saying, hey our mutual friend is playing in battle of the bands tomorrow night. Wanna go? He called the next afternoon and said yeah he would love to go. When I said I didn't know how to get there and that my GPS was messing up, he said, well, I can just come pick you up. So he did, and we went to the concert area, but our friend's band wasn't going to play till 9. So we decided to go eat and maybe catch a movie. Well, he paid for my dinner, even though I was fully prepared to pay, and then we went to this beautiful bridge connected to a dam, and walked on that for a while. Then we went bowling. Well, during bowling, our friend called saying they were about to ply and we totally missed it! But we went back to the concert anyway, and voted for him, and his band got 3rd place and is moving on to the finals! So then he took me home, and helped me deal with my really bad headache the whole time. I invited him in and he said yes. My roommate and her boyfriend were there and so the four of us talked for a while, and then my "date" left; I walked him out to his car and gave him a hug and walked back inside. I told my roommie and her boyfriend about the whole night, and she asked her man, "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" "yes" "congratulations, sweetie, you had a date tonight. "SCORE!" I like this guy. a lot.
PROBLEM: I'm supposed to be on a BOY FAST right now! And I JUST wrote a few days ago about a crush on a guy I've never met. How am I supposed to handle this? EXACTLY> give it to God. He knows exactly what's in store for me this summer. He knows what I need, and he knows whether or not that includes this guy as either just a friend or a potential date. I don't know how this guy feels right now. He may just think I'm cool to hang out with. I mean, we've known each other for 2 years and it's never been more than friends and the occasional conversation, why is now any different? I HAVE to assume nothing has changed, and he's not interested. Otherwise, I'll get my panties all up in a wad for no reason.
My point here is this: GOD IS IN CONTROL. He knows what's going to happen this summer, including everything going on with the children's ministry at my church, whether or not our program will succeed, whether or not I'll make a successful demo of myself singing, whether or not I'll be dating, how much money I'll make, the financial problems that will occur, and etc. GOD KNOWS. And my job is to trust Him. I wrote a song yesterday about God being FAITHFUL. And you know what? THE PASTOR SPOKE ON THAT VERY TOPIC! Coincidence? I think NOT!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Fuzz
My thoughts are all in a jumble, a fuzz. I'm sitting here not doing much when I really need to be concentrating on my job. What in the world am I going to teach these kids? What games are we going to play? How are we going to advertize this? But there's really not much I can do because I still don't know the curriculum. And on top of my that, my mom got me freaked out the other day telling me I shouldn't be in here alone with the pastor during the day. Well that can't be helped, that's what baptist churches do, so I'm just trying not to worry about it; however; my overactive imagination is going crazy right now, and my emotions and stress levels are through the roof.
And I think I may be possibly starting to develop feelings for a guy I'll never meet. He doesn't have any idea. He knows I can't date him. But these feelings are there. Or maybe it's just the desire to be single and the fact that he's one I'm thinking of. I'm really praying for him. And I think he has feelings for some one else. Why is it that the ones I'm attracted to are either not the pursuing kind, or interested in someone else? I have a type. And this guy doesn't fit the type. But I like him. My type is skinny, blonde, blue eyes, Christian, shy. He has NONE of these qualities. Why do I like him? I may even love him, in a different way than I say I mean. He's funny and he'll always be there for me. I wish I could really meet him. Maybe some day...
My heart longs to be filled. And it's normally filled with the love of God, but today he feels distant. I didn't have my morning quiet time, and I woke up on the wrong side of bed, so that might be it. So I'm trying to fill my heart with emotions that don't line up with what I believe. I know that I'm single right now for a purpose: to grow closer to God and develop my relationship with him with no distractions. A boyfriend would be too distracting from my work at this point. He just would. But that doesnt negate my longing for one.
Jesus, I want a boyfriend. But I'm gonna trust that you'll provide the right one for me in the right time. Your timing is perfect. And your plan is perfect. this one guy is not in your plan, that I know for sure. Help me trust you. Get me back on track. Bring me back to you.
And I think I may be possibly starting to develop feelings for a guy I'll never meet. He doesn't have any idea. He knows I can't date him. But these feelings are there. Or maybe it's just the desire to be single and the fact that he's one I'm thinking of. I'm really praying for him. And I think he has feelings for some one else. Why is it that the ones I'm attracted to are either not the pursuing kind, or interested in someone else? I have a type. And this guy doesn't fit the type. But I like him. My type is skinny, blonde, blue eyes, Christian, shy. He has NONE of these qualities. Why do I like him? I may even love him, in a different way than I say I mean. He's funny and he'll always be there for me. I wish I could really meet him. Maybe some day...
My heart longs to be filled. And it's normally filled with the love of God, but today he feels distant. I didn't have my morning quiet time, and I woke up on the wrong side of bed, so that might be it. So I'm trying to fill my heart with emotions that don't line up with what I believe. I know that I'm single right now for a purpose: to grow closer to God and develop my relationship with him with no distractions. A boyfriend would be too distracting from my work at this point. He just would. But that doesnt negate my longing for one.
Jesus, I want a boyfriend. But I'm gonna trust that you'll provide the right one for me in the right time. Your timing is perfect. And your plan is perfect. this one guy is not in your plan, that I know for sure. Help me trust you. Get me back on track. Bring me back to you.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Proverbs
Last night, I had a humbling talk with my mom. We talked a lot about character qualities I have that hinder me from being the best daughter of God I can be, and also from growing up into adulthood. A big one was pride. Mom advised to take care of this now before I fall in front of that church I'll be an intern at this summer. Another big one is laziness. I lack self discipline in the area of cleaning my room. And I'm not observant or aware of things I need to be aware of, like my headlight going out. I've been realizing that I really am small, immature, and if I'm not living to please God, I'm very insignificant. I want my life to entirely be a spontaneous response to his love for me. I want to literally worship him in everything, to there it's not legalistic, but it comes from the heart. I want my decisions to be in line with His will. Why am I so self-centered? My life is not my own. He bought me. I should be responding in love with all of my actions. People who do this: my mom and dad, Leslie, Bailey, are the main ones I can think of.
Father, I realize that I am small. I realize that I am insignificant, and you can do my job just as well or better using someone else. I don't understand your love. But the bottom line is: I have it. You love me. You showed it when your Son died for me. And I forget that so often. I have these urges to be someone who doesn't worship you. Someone whose actions comes directly from myself and my selfish heart: partying, wearing sexy clothes, cussing, being stupid. A wise person is diligent, careful with their tongue, kind, prudent, listens to wise advice, hard-working, peace-loving, and joyful. I want to adapt these qualities as an act of sacrificial love to you. I sacrifice my own desires because I love you. Why has that not clicked before? You are my first love. Help me respond in sacrificial love and worship to you. Amen.
Father, I realize that I am small. I realize that I am insignificant, and you can do my job just as well or better using someone else. I don't understand your love. But the bottom line is: I have it. You love me. You showed it when your Son died for me. And I forget that so often. I have these urges to be someone who doesn't worship you. Someone whose actions comes directly from myself and my selfish heart: partying, wearing sexy clothes, cussing, being stupid. A wise person is diligent, careful with their tongue, kind, prudent, listens to wise advice, hard-working, peace-loving, and joyful. I want to adapt these qualities as an act of sacrificial love to you. I sacrifice my own desires because I love you. Why has that not clicked before? You are my first love. Help me respond in sacrificial love and worship to you. Amen.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS!
God is truly amazing! He has just really answered my prayers, especially last week.
First (and least important) - some of the deadlines for my assignments were pushed back.
Second - when I needed another musical to watch, he provided for me through my friend Bandi, who was playing a homeschoolers league production of Hello Dolly! And he provided for me a place to stay that night during the tornado - her house.
Third - when he told me to "wait" after I asked him what to do about my confused roommate who thought she was lesbian but also brought drama with her everywhere and is very immature and selfish, he made the decision for me when she told me she wasn't coming back next semester. So now I can stay where I am with my suitemates and get a different roommate who will most likely be better for me. And I trust him to take care of her at community college.
Fourth - When I was worried about not having a summer job and trying ti trust God to provide, I finally applied to 2 places that were sort of last-choice jobs, he brought me a pastor who was interested in interviewing me, and came to my college so i didn't have to drive to little rock, and it turns out I'm EXACTLY what they need to start a children's ministry. I would be an intern working on different programs for their summer children's programs, I would be very involved in the church, and I might even be playing in a praise band because they need a bass player!! The pastor told me not in so many words that I'm exactly what he was looking for, and he had no other applicants at the time of my interview, and I find out tonight if I'm for sure offered the job. God is SO GOOD! This is truly a perfect fit! I would be living in Little Rock with Bandi, and developing my friendship with her because she's amazing!!!
So seriously, God provides. He really does. The only thing I'm worried about is just getting everything packed and stored somewhere. I'm also worried about my finals and some late papers that I have to write today. But I'm learning how to truly trust God. He takes care of his children.
Right now I'm listening to a podcast from Breakaway Ministries, where Ben Stuart is talking about love, and how that is the main thing we need to work on. He's in a series that is talking about entanglements, and this week's topic is religious entanglements, I think mainly legalism. It's interesting. I have to quit typing, but that's something I'm really working on, is loving God and loving others. Oswald Chambers talks about how love is spontaneous. It says that love is a spontaneous response to what God has done for, and the overflow of the work of the Holy Spirit in your love. Love is not in our nature, it's given to us by the Holy Spirit.
Ok well, I'm getting off.
God, thank you. For answering my prayers. For loving me. For giving me love. And for changing me to become more like You. I'm yours. It's not about me.
First (and least important) - some of the deadlines for my assignments were pushed back.
Second - when I needed another musical to watch, he provided for me through my friend Bandi, who was playing a homeschoolers league production of Hello Dolly! And he provided for me a place to stay that night during the tornado - her house.
Third - when he told me to "wait" after I asked him what to do about my confused roommate who thought she was lesbian but also brought drama with her everywhere and is very immature and selfish, he made the decision for me when she told me she wasn't coming back next semester. So now I can stay where I am with my suitemates and get a different roommate who will most likely be better for me. And I trust him to take care of her at community college.
Fourth - When I was worried about not having a summer job and trying ti trust God to provide, I finally applied to 2 places that were sort of last-choice jobs, he brought me a pastor who was interested in interviewing me, and came to my college so i didn't have to drive to little rock, and it turns out I'm EXACTLY what they need to start a children's ministry. I would be an intern working on different programs for their summer children's programs, I would be very involved in the church, and I might even be playing in a praise band because they need a bass player!! The pastor told me not in so many words that I'm exactly what he was looking for, and he had no other applicants at the time of my interview, and I find out tonight if I'm for sure offered the job. God is SO GOOD! This is truly a perfect fit! I would be living in Little Rock with Bandi, and developing my friendship with her because she's amazing!!!
So seriously, God provides. He really does. The only thing I'm worried about is just getting everything packed and stored somewhere. I'm also worried about my finals and some late papers that I have to write today. But I'm learning how to truly trust God. He takes care of his children.
Right now I'm listening to a podcast from Breakaway Ministries, where Ben Stuart is talking about love, and how that is the main thing we need to work on. He's in a series that is talking about entanglements, and this week's topic is religious entanglements, I think mainly legalism. It's interesting. I have to quit typing, but that's something I'm really working on, is loving God and loving others. Oswald Chambers talks about how love is spontaneous. It says that love is a spontaneous response to what God has done for, and the overflow of the work of the Holy Spirit in your love. Love is not in our nature, it's given to us by the Holy Spirit.
Ok well, I'm getting off.
God, thank you. For answering my prayers. For loving me. For giving me love. And for changing me to become more like You. I'm yours. It's not about me.
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