(V1) I see you
Fill up on the world
But then you're not satisfied
I watch you
Give your heart away
And then take it back broken
I want you to know
I will never let you go
(Chorus) Hear my voice
Listen to me
I'm only one
Who gave His Son up for you
Hear my voice
And trust in me
I know you'll see
That you need me
And I won't let you down
(V2) I love you
Oh child I made you
And I'm still holding you
I have plans for you
Plans to prosper you
Absolutely not harm you
I want you to know
I will never let you go
(Back to chorus)
And I won't let you down
He is Enough
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I saw God, and I ignored Him
Dennis Jernigan is an amazing Christian music artist, whom God has used immensely during his life as a follower of Jesus. God brought him from a place of bondage to Satan and homosexuality to life and freedom and the experience of true love, from both God and his wife, with whom he now has 9 children. There's a song that he has just recently put on youtube to share with everyone, and it was actually written he says in March 1990, almost 20 years ago. Guess what happened then as well? That's right: MY BIRTH! And Ashton's! (my suitemate from the previous post)
I need to get back to God. He loves me, and I've been ignoring him for the past two weeks. Dennis is singing about the lillies as I write this, and "he cares for me" is repeated over and over, and I ask myself, why am I ignoring those words, and especially the One about whom those words are spoken? God is calling my name, and I am looking to get my needs met from other people! I even went so far as to talk to strangers online; people who could potentially be dangerous and out to get me! After hearing their voices and their stories and all 10 of us talking together and only like 2 of them having met each other, I'm almost 100% sure none of them are dangerous, but still...the principle of the matter is don't talk to strangers. And I did. They met my needs. I was told to stop more than once and it took me 2 weeks. And then after a week, I resumed contact with one of them! I was having him meet my needs instead of opening that precious letter or talking to the God who SAVED me and LOVES me more than ANY of these! I wrote a song about how much he loves me and I heard a sermon about it on Tuesday, and I'm still ignoring it?? How can this be?? And worst of all, I have no motivation to even open my Bible right now!
Father,
change my attitude about you, and about my relationship with you. Give me the desire to run to You instead of others. Don't let it get to point where Israel got, as described in Hosea. Don't strip away everything I have until I acknowledge that is You who gives me what I need. I acknowledge that. Help me come back you, and rely on you. Help me to think of you with peace joy whenever that I-need-a-man thought crosses my mind...
Dennis is now singing a song he wrote called Run into the Arms of Jesus. "Hope is found in that desperate place when you've fallen down, when you need some grace, and hope is found when you've given up, when you can't go on, when you've had enough, just RUN TO THE ARMS OF JESUS!" Father, I'm giving up. I'm letting go of everything I'm holding on too, the things I'm keeping from you, even the ones that are just bad feelings and behaviors. I love you. I'm yours again. I surrender again. Use me. Change me. Give me hope and peace and love and joy. Help me feel loved again. Help me obey even when I don't feel loved. I'm yours, God. I truly am. In your Precious Name, Amen
I need to get back to God. He loves me, and I've been ignoring him for the past two weeks. Dennis is singing about the lillies as I write this, and "he cares for me" is repeated over and over, and I ask myself, why am I ignoring those words, and especially the One about whom those words are spoken? God is calling my name, and I am looking to get my needs met from other people! I even went so far as to talk to strangers online; people who could potentially be dangerous and out to get me! After hearing their voices and their stories and all 10 of us talking together and only like 2 of them having met each other, I'm almost 100% sure none of them are dangerous, but still...the principle of the matter is don't talk to strangers. And I did. They met my needs. I was told to stop more than once and it took me 2 weeks. And then after a week, I resumed contact with one of them! I was having him meet my needs instead of opening that precious letter or talking to the God who SAVED me and LOVES me more than ANY of these! I wrote a song about how much he loves me and I heard a sermon about it on Tuesday, and I'm still ignoring it?? How can this be?? And worst of all, I have no motivation to even open my Bible right now!
Father,
change my attitude about you, and about my relationship with you. Give me the desire to run to You instead of others. Don't let it get to point where Israel got, as described in Hosea. Don't strip away everything I have until I acknowledge that is You who gives me what I need. I acknowledge that. Help me come back you, and rely on you. Help me to think of you with peace joy whenever that I-need-a-man thought crosses my mind...
Dennis is now singing a song he wrote called Run into the Arms of Jesus. "Hope is found in that desperate place when you've fallen down, when you need some grace, and hope is found when you've given up, when you can't go on, when you've had enough, just RUN TO THE ARMS OF JESUS!" Father, I'm giving up. I'm letting go of everything I'm holding on too, the things I'm keeping from you, even the ones that are just bad feelings and behaviors. I love you. I'm yours again. I surrender again. Use me. Change me. Give me hope and peace and love and joy. Help me feel loved again. Help me obey even when I don't feel loved. I'm yours, God. I truly am. In your Precious Name, Amen
My suitemate saw God
This is a story my suitemate wrote. It's a beautiful story about how God has revealed himself to her lately. Oh, and the girl in her last story, her friend, yep, that's me! I'm glad that instance really blessed her. I had no idea she would post that for others to see. :)
Here it Ashton's story:
Recently...well, lets be honest...for quite some time I have been in a very huge "drought" stage in my faith. I've made some mistakes that have been seriously holding me back and I've been lacking in trust. In all truthfulness, I think I was waiting for God to make the first move. In the past few weeks I decided to attempt to move in that direction on my own. The first thing I decided to do was to purchase a book by my favorite author, Ted Dekker, called "the slumber of Christianity." The whole idea so far is that we have fallen asleep to the beauty and promise of our Christian faith. We have forgotten that the pleasures of this world are reminders of the complete and utter bliss that awaits us in the next life! New testament believers were completely focused on that ultimate prize and it allowed them to lose sight of the sin that hounded them on earth. It also allowed them to appreciate the beauty of the pleasures we can experience on this earth because we know those pleasures are only a faint shadow of what is to come!
Well, this whole concept got me rather excited and I decided that I wanted to think and experience life in that way, but I think I still was waiting for God to make the first move. Well, today in chapel, I saw a glimmer of that first move. An amazing speaker blessed us with his testimony. He told us the story of his transition from sin to grace to redeemed and it was beautiful. I think almost everyone in chapel was in tears, which is rather surprising since usually people sleep or do homework in chapel. He was completely unafraid to speak of his particular sin, which is almost completely taboo to speak of in churches today. His admission was utterly heart-wrenching, but along with it he provided this hope. He spoke of a love and a freedom from sin that only God can provide. He was living proof that people really can turn completely away from any sin and accept God's love and forgiveness. My favorite thing he said was that "we don't get to choose whether God loves us or not. He just does." But what was so awesome about it was that he kept saying that we need to seek the kingdom, and that the best way to do that is to seek the King. I knew right then that God was reassuring me and reinforcing this idea of living for the kingdom which is to come.
The next crazy thing that happened occurred right after chapel. I was walking around with my friend and she just completely randomly walked up to this guy sitting in a seat in chapel. She just went right over and asked if he wanted her to pray for him. He said sure and she just knelt down right there and spouted out this amazing prayer and by the time she was done im pretty sure the guy was in tears. But that's not even the best part. The most amazing thing about that was that the girl was already late for class when she asked if she could pray for the guy. By the time this was all over, she had missed nearly 15 minutes of class. But she didn't care. Afterwards I asked her what made her do that and she simply said, "I felt led to." She gave up her time completely and utterly ... for a complete stranger. After all of this, there was no doubt in my mind that God was showing himself to me in a way I had never even imagined possible and it was beautiful.
I saw God in the pages of a book filled with hope.
I saw God in a man with the courage and humility to bare his soul in front of thousands of students.
I saw God in a girl kneeling selflessly in prayer over a stranger.
Today I saw God, and He was beautiful.
Here it Ashton's story:
Recently...well, lets be honest...for quite some time I have been in a very huge "drought" stage in my faith. I've made some mistakes that have been seriously holding me back and I've been lacking in trust. In all truthfulness, I think I was waiting for God to make the first move. In the past few weeks I decided to attempt to move in that direction on my own. The first thing I decided to do was to purchase a book by my favorite author, Ted Dekker, called "the slumber of Christianity." The whole idea so far is that we have fallen asleep to the beauty and promise of our Christian faith. We have forgotten that the pleasures of this world are reminders of the complete and utter bliss that awaits us in the next life! New testament believers were completely focused on that ultimate prize and it allowed them to lose sight of the sin that hounded them on earth. It also allowed them to appreciate the beauty of the pleasures we can experience on this earth because we know those pleasures are only a faint shadow of what is to come!
Well, this whole concept got me rather excited and I decided that I wanted to think and experience life in that way, but I think I still was waiting for God to make the first move. Well, today in chapel, I saw a glimmer of that first move. An amazing speaker blessed us with his testimony. He told us the story of his transition from sin to grace to redeemed and it was beautiful. I think almost everyone in chapel was in tears, which is rather surprising since usually people sleep or do homework in chapel. He was completely unafraid to speak of his particular sin, which is almost completely taboo to speak of in churches today. His admission was utterly heart-wrenching, but along with it he provided this hope. He spoke of a love and a freedom from sin that only God can provide. He was living proof that people really can turn completely away from any sin and accept God's love and forgiveness. My favorite thing he said was that "we don't get to choose whether God loves us or not. He just does." But what was so awesome about it was that he kept saying that we need to seek the kingdom, and that the best way to do that is to seek the King. I knew right then that God was reassuring me and reinforcing this idea of living for the kingdom which is to come.
The next crazy thing that happened occurred right after chapel. I was walking around with my friend and she just completely randomly walked up to this guy sitting in a seat in chapel. She just went right over and asked if he wanted her to pray for him. He said sure and she just knelt down right there and spouted out this amazing prayer and by the time she was done im pretty sure the guy was in tears. But that's not even the best part. The most amazing thing about that was that the girl was already late for class when she asked if she could pray for the guy. By the time this was all over, she had missed nearly 15 minutes of class. But she didn't care. Afterwards I asked her what made her do that and she simply said, "I felt led to." She gave up her time completely and utterly ... for a complete stranger. After all of this, there was no doubt in my mind that God was showing himself to me in a way I had never even imagined possible and it was beautiful.
I saw God in the pages of a book filled with hope.
I saw God in a man with the courage and humility to bare his soul in front of thousands of students.
I saw God in a girl kneeling selflessly in prayer over a stranger.
Today I saw God, and He was beautiful.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
What God Has Taught Me Lately
Wow. God has taught me so many things lately, and compounded on already-learned-lessons. So this might be a long note. :)
One thing that is made clear EVERY time I open my Bible (and of which I'm so glad I'm reminded) is that the more I seek God, the more I find him. And truly, the more I find God and learn about Him, the more I am filled with His Spirit, and the more my Spirit is filled with love for Him. Now if only I could get that to translate in action EVERY day, THAT's what I'm working on. Because sometimes I just completely forget what I learned in my quiet time by mid-day, and I then live according to my feelings. But anyway, that's a rabbit trail. Back to the main point.
This year, I'm choosing to read My Utmost for His Highest in the mornings. And I'm SO GLAD I chose this, because not only did my Mom choose the SAME thing (we found that out later, hehe), but I've learned something EVERY DAY! Yesterday, The lesson learned was that sometimes, when God doesn't seem to give me a clear direction in which to go or act upon, He really wants me to wait and concentrate on seeking Him and renewing or developing my relationship with Him. Waiting periods are not bad. And this ties into me not acting on my emotions and feelings of the moment. God knows what's best for me. Following His bidding is the BEST thing I could ever do, bar none. My question is, why do I need to relearn this lesson? And I already know the answer: my sinful nature. I am always going to struggle with it. And I'll come back to this later.
I was reading Proverbs 1 today (I'm behind for the month), and I put together my own lesson, :) - To do God's Will is to Listen to Wisdom. A few weeks ago, I was in Sunday School, and this guy was reading what some other dead guy had written (I can't remember his name), the dead guy wrote a story that he thought paralleled God's and our relationship some times: There was a boy who was going off to college, and he asked his Father: What should I major in? And the dad said, well, that's up to you. But the boy kept insisting, no. I want You to decide, because I want to do what YOU want me to do. And the Dad kept saying, Son, you know what you're good, and you know what you're interests are, so you should make your decision based on what you are good at and what you'll enjoy. I want you to make this decision, because you're not some lawnmower whose string I can pull and You'll do what I want. You have your own mind, and it's a good one. So I listened to that story, and It's been on my mind ever since: God DID give us Freewill. If He hadn't, sin would never have entered the world, but we would also have never chosen on our own to worship Him with our lives. So free-will doesn't only apply to us choosing whether or not to accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior and give our life to Him, it also applies to the difficult decisions we have to make later in life WHILE we are living for Him. God GAVE US these decisions, so He doesn't want to make them for us.
So how does that tie into Proverbs 1? well, Remember what I wrote earlier: To Do God's Will Involves Listening to Wisdom. Proverbs tells us to listen to Wisdom OVER and OVER again. God has GIVEN us wisdom, all we need to do is ask Him for it, believing HE WILL give it to us. ASK with the belief that He has ALREADY given it to us. And He WILL show us faithfully which decision is wiser. My question now is what do I do when I could glorify God with either decision? I guess a good example is summer, and the options I have. I have a number of summer camps I could apply to work at, but I also would like to apply to a mission organization that will send me to the Dominican Republic to work with children. All of these options involve working with kids and using the gifts God gave me. The good thing about going to the Dominican Republic is going overseas and using my Spanish. The good thing about summer camps is that I get paid, and I could really use a job. So I guess, in this case, even though I could glorify God in both options, I feel like wisdom is telling me to apply at a summer camp so I can both use my gifts and get paid to work.
Ok so back to my sinful nature: If to do God's will is to listen to Wisdom, then why is foolish behavior so appetizing? Why is following my emotions so easy and desirable? It sounds like it's because we have that sinful nature, and nature comes with sinful desires, which we long to gratify. So how do we overcome this problem? Do we turn to the old saying "practice makes perfect"? Do we use what it says in the Bible, "For it is God who works in us to live and to act according to His good purpose"? or do we combine them both?
I have more questions, but I can't form them right now, and this has been long enough. But let me end on a high note: God wants us to seek Him, and he will give us the answers. Jeremiah 33:3 says "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not yet know." :) HE ANSWERS. Both prayers AND questions. :)
One thing that is made clear EVERY time I open my Bible (and of which I'm so glad I'm reminded) is that the more I seek God, the more I find him. And truly, the more I find God and learn about Him, the more I am filled with His Spirit, and the more my Spirit is filled with love for Him. Now if only I could get that to translate in action EVERY day, THAT's what I'm working on. Because sometimes I just completely forget what I learned in my quiet time by mid-day, and I then live according to my feelings. But anyway, that's a rabbit trail. Back to the main point.
This year, I'm choosing to read My Utmost for His Highest in the mornings. And I'm SO GLAD I chose this, because not only did my Mom choose the SAME thing (we found that out later, hehe), but I've learned something EVERY DAY! Yesterday, The lesson learned was that sometimes, when God doesn't seem to give me a clear direction in which to go or act upon, He really wants me to wait and concentrate on seeking Him and renewing or developing my relationship with Him. Waiting periods are not bad. And this ties into me not acting on my emotions and feelings of the moment. God knows what's best for me. Following His bidding is the BEST thing I could ever do, bar none. My question is, why do I need to relearn this lesson? And I already know the answer: my sinful nature. I am always going to struggle with it. And I'll come back to this later.
I was reading Proverbs 1 today (I'm behind for the month), and I put together my own lesson, :) - To do God's Will is to Listen to Wisdom. A few weeks ago, I was in Sunday School, and this guy was reading what some other dead guy had written (I can't remember his name), the dead guy wrote a story that he thought paralleled God's and our relationship some times: There was a boy who was going off to college, and he asked his Father: What should I major in? And the dad said, well, that's up to you. But the boy kept insisting, no. I want You to decide, because I want to do what YOU want me to do. And the Dad kept saying, Son, you know what you're good, and you know what you're interests are, so you should make your decision based on what you are good at and what you'll enjoy. I want you to make this decision, because you're not some lawnmower whose string I can pull and You'll do what I want. You have your own mind, and it's a good one. So I listened to that story, and It's been on my mind ever since: God DID give us Freewill. If He hadn't, sin would never have entered the world, but we would also have never chosen on our own to worship Him with our lives. So free-will doesn't only apply to us choosing whether or not to accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior and give our life to Him, it also applies to the difficult decisions we have to make later in life WHILE we are living for Him. God GAVE US these decisions, so He doesn't want to make them for us.
So how does that tie into Proverbs 1? well, Remember what I wrote earlier: To Do God's Will Involves Listening to Wisdom. Proverbs tells us to listen to Wisdom OVER and OVER again. God has GIVEN us wisdom, all we need to do is ask Him for it, believing HE WILL give it to us. ASK with the belief that He has ALREADY given it to us. And He WILL show us faithfully which decision is wiser. My question now is what do I do when I could glorify God with either decision? I guess a good example is summer, and the options I have. I have a number of summer camps I could apply to work at, but I also would like to apply to a mission organization that will send me to the Dominican Republic to work with children. All of these options involve working with kids and using the gifts God gave me. The good thing about going to the Dominican Republic is going overseas and using my Spanish. The good thing about summer camps is that I get paid, and I could really use a job. So I guess, in this case, even though I could glorify God in both options, I feel like wisdom is telling me to apply at a summer camp so I can both use my gifts and get paid to work.
Ok so back to my sinful nature: If to do God's will is to listen to Wisdom, then why is foolish behavior so appetizing? Why is following my emotions so easy and desirable? It sounds like it's because we have that sinful nature, and nature comes with sinful desires, which we long to gratify. So how do we overcome this problem? Do we turn to the old saying "practice makes perfect"? Do we use what it says in the Bible, "For it is God who works in us to live and to act according to His good purpose"? or do we combine them both?
I have more questions, but I can't form them right now, and this has been long enough. But let me end on a high note: God wants us to seek Him, and he will give us the answers. Jeremiah 33:3 says "Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not yet know." :) HE ANSWERS. Both prayers AND questions. :)
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