Dennis Jernigan is an amazing Christian music artist, whom God has used immensely during his life as a follower of Jesus. God brought him from a place of bondage to Satan and homosexuality to life and freedom and the experience of true love, from both God and his wife, with whom he now has 9 children. There's a song that he has just recently put on youtube to share with everyone, and it was actually written he says in March 1990, almost 20 years ago. Guess what happened then as well? That's right: MY BIRTH! And Ashton's! (my suitemate from the previous post)
I need to get back to God. He loves me, and I've been ignoring him for the past two weeks. Dennis is singing about the lillies as I write this, and "he cares for me" is repeated over and over, and I ask myself, why am I ignoring those words, and especially the One about whom those words are spoken? God is calling my name, and I am looking to get my needs met from other people! I even went so far as to talk to strangers online; people who could potentially be dangerous and out to get me! After hearing their voices and their stories and all 10 of us talking together and only like 2 of them having met each other, I'm almost 100% sure none of them are dangerous, but still...the principle of the matter is don't talk to strangers. And I did. They met my needs. I was told to stop more than once and it took me 2 weeks. And then after a week, I resumed contact with one of them! I was having him meet my needs instead of opening that precious letter or talking to the God who SAVED me and LOVES me more than ANY of these! I wrote a song about how much he loves me and I heard a sermon about it on Tuesday, and I'm still ignoring it?? How can this be?? And worst of all, I have no motivation to even open my Bible right now!
Father,
change my attitude about you, and about my relationship with you. Give me the desire to run to You instead of others. Don't let it get to point where Israel got, as described in Hosea. Don't strip away everything I have until I acknowledge that is You who gives me what I need. I acknowledge that. Help me come back you, and rely on you. Help me to think of you with peace joy whenever that I-need-a-man thought crosses my mind...
Dennis is now singing a song he wrote called Run into the Arms of Jesus. "Hope is found in that desperate place when you've fallen down, when you need some grace, and hope is found when you've given up, when you can't go on, when you've had enough, just RUN TO THE ARMS OF JESUS!" Father, I'm giving up. I'm letting go of everything I'm holding on too, the things I'm keeping from you, even the ones that are just bad feelings and behaviors. I love you. I'm yours again. I surrender again. Use me. Change me. Give me hope and peace and love and joy. Help me feel loved again. Help me obey even when I don't feel loved. I'm yours, God. I truly am. In your Precious Name, Amen
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